It's been a rough year for a lot of us. For me, I think it was simultaneously one of the best yet hardest years I've ever had. The most sublime experience I've ever had (London, yes I will write about it STOP HARASSING ME) in beautiful symmetry with having to finally admit a problem, give up on the longest, loving (or so one thinks for a while) and destructive relationship I've ever been in: the one with myself and alcohol.
Christmas is an especially tough time. My own memories of Christmas stem from many years of my parents going through an extremely bitter divorce and thus, perhaps some small part of me also distanced myself for so long from the beauty and wonder this season has to behold. I don't personally buy into the commercially bloated representation of Christmas consumerism - all of my gifts this year are in some way hand made, artistic, or specially commissioned. Regardless of all that nonsense, when you are irrevocably thrust into situation so hilarious and humanizing you're forced to laugh, tear up, remember what life, love, and the holidays, are all about...none of the angst matters. Inescapably, you get reminded who you truly are and where your heart is which, I promise dear friends, is exactly in the right place.
And for a moment...I forgot about my own personal demon that's, for the moment, having an excellent snooze. (FUCK YOU, DEMON. FUCK YOU RIGHT IN YOUR FACE).
Sitting in front of me on the plane tonight is Phoebe. Phoebe is 5. Phoebe is wearing Elsa shoes from the movie Frozen and her coat was white and furry. She kept playing a tickle game with her mom and has the most adorable giggle, and her brunette hair is in a ponytail. Phoebe likes the color blue and this is NOT her first time flying at night.
As bags were grumpily stowed and we waited for the already severely delayed plane to leave the gate, a lovely flight attendant came over and began to talk to Phoebe.
"Are you ready, honey? Ohhhhh I like your shoes!"
"THANK YOU THEY'RE FWOM THE MOVIE FWOZEN. THAT'S ELSA."
"Oh, yes, I like that movie too! I have two granddaughters and they love that movie!"
"WHAT...WHAT...WHAT...ARE THEIR NAMES?" *most adorable small child stutter ever.
"Oh Savannah and Sienna, honey. But yes, we all love that movie! AND Elsa."
*small pause*
"So make sure you look outside at the sky tonight and maybe you'll see YOU KNOW WHO."
*small gasp* "SANTA? AND HIS WEINDEER?"
"You might! And Rudolph! With his bright shiny nose!"
*small pause* "WILL I ALSO SEE FWOSTY THE SNOWMAN?!"
(Brief interjection: EVERYONE on the plane is having the gigglefits at the point because SHE'S SO DARN CUTE AND POLITE AND WHAT HAPPENED NEXT MADE. MY. YEAR.)
She launched into the world's cutest rendition of Frosty the Snowman ever. EVER.
"FWOSTY THE SNOWMAN, WAS A JOLLLY HAPPPPY SOOOOOUL
WITH A CORNCOB PIPE AND A BUTTON NOOOOOOSE AND TWO EYES MADE OUT OF COAL LA LA LA LA LAAAAA...."
WITH A CORNCOB PIPE AND A BUTTON NOOOOOOSE AND TWO EYES MADE OUT OF COAL LA LA LA LA LAAAAA...."
AND HALF THE PLANE STARTED SINGING IT WITH HER, INCLUDING THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT, AND CLAPPING ALONG. INCLUDING ME.
I laughed as hard as I have in a long time and then I started to cry.
How simple it is to make someone's hour, night, year nudging them towards a gentle reminder that life is worth living for, even for a moment so you can hear Phoebe sing you her favorite Christmas song, tell you she calls her grandmother 'abuelita' because "IT MEANS TINY GRANDMA" and launch an entire plane full of people to start singing a holiday tune?
So I leave you with this brief note, friends, to tell you I'm OK. You're OK. We will all be just fine. Hug your loved ones, celebrate the wondrous winter eves, smush your face into a cat, and celebrate you, whatever you do or do not choose to celebrate. In the end, tis the season for love and kindness, after all.
Just remember to keep singing.
(Pro tip: it's even better with a plane full of strangers.)
Merry, happy, joyous holidays.
