Movies n' shit

Today's blog post has no point except to talk about movies. And panic attacks.

I've been taking very good care of myself lately (lately = within the last week). Not to sound too AA or cliché (I RHYMED!), but when you're a non-active alcoholic living each day with my damaged, fabulous brain, I really must count small victories and deal with one day at a time. There's no other way I find that works for me. "Today, I will wake up, take a walk, smile selflessly at another human being, eat well, and not drink. OH, AND BE HAPPY." If I think of "I won't drink for 6 months" or "I will never ever drink again," the thought is honestly too depressing and in my mind, comparable to doing yoga in 6 inch stilettos. 

So I find other ways of keeping myself/busy/entertained. I'm adopting a certain actor's motto of "Keep myself amused and other confused." I recommend it, it's highly entertaining and very easy to do when I'm not distracted by thoughts of how to get my next fix (of booze). However, in an apparently masochistic attempt of having a low-key Friday evening, last night I decided I'd make it a movie night and watch 'August Osage County' and 'Blue Jasmine.' Catching up on some amazing Oscar flicks, right?!

Rather unfortunate choice of angsty movies, A.

Let's talk AOC:

A) I will never think my family is fucked up ever again

2) HOLY SHIT, Meryl, Julia, and cast.

and D) Nothing like watching someone else's dysfunction to make you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. In your own house. ON A FRIDAY NIGHT.

Since I was already blown away by one stellar (albeit, completely messed up movie) I figured I'd follow with the performance that could (unfathomably) somehow beat Meryl's in AOC.

Meat Jesus on a Stick, Cate Blanchett. 

In my humble opinion, everyone has a film or show that regardless of how many times, they feel physically uncomfortable watching it. For myself, it's 'Meet the Parents.' (My sister's is 'The Office.') I'm not sure why; perhaps it's the uncomfortable situations the protagonist finds himself in or the general ridiculousness of everything, but I dislike awkward situations so much so that I run away from fictional ones too.

I haven't had that kind of anxiety watching a movie in a while. 'Blue Jasmine'? WHOLE. NEW. LEVEL.

I have never (NEVAAAAAR) seen a portrayal of a downward spiral done so well in a movie before, specifically, the representation of someone who suffers depression, anxiety, and debilitating panic attacks. It didn't make me physically unsettled as so much I FELT EXACTLY WHAT SHE WAS GOING THROUGH EACH TIME SHE BROKE DOWN. Her desperation made me feel short of breath. The scene of confronting her cheating husband and ultimately destroying her own existence knocked the wind out of me. Every time she reached for the Xanax, I understood....and each time she reached for the Stoli bottle, I wondered where my drink was. (Oh right...can't have one.)

I suppose, in a long winded fashion, what I'm trying to say is, if you're one of the people on this planet who doesn't "get" mental illness or have any idea what anxiety looks and feels like, watch 'Blue Jasmine.' It may make you feel squishy like hell internally, but you'll thank me for the added perspective. Or run screaming. Either way, what bliss for me.

And never marry rich. Or Alec Baldwin. Both should go without saying.

I'd also like to state for the record that I don't talk to myself in public. Anymore. Much.

I'm shutting up and ordering Chinese now.