A Sky Full of Stars

For those who have been residing under a rock lately, Coldplay has released a new song called "A Sky Full of Stars." The band and their music has always touched my life somehow. Whether it was my ex softly singing the lyrics from "Yellow" to me, me singing "Paradise," "Charlie Brown," "Clocks" at the top of my lungs, or driving too fast on the highway to "Speed of Sound," you can't talk me out of feeling completely transported and ethereal when I listen to their music. (I also can't help but giggle when I think of the scene in "The 40 Year Old Virgin" when they are discussing, um, levels of...Coldplay...)

Cal: You're gay, now?

David: No, I'm not gay. I'm just celibate.

Cal: I think... I mean, that sounds gay. I just want you to know this is, like, the first conversation of, like, three conversations that leads to you being gay. Like, there's this and then in a year it's like, "Oh, you know, I'm kinda gonna want to get back out there, but I think I like guys," and then there's the big, "Oh, I'm... I'm... I'm a gay guy now."

David: You're gay for saying that.

Cal: I'm gay for saying that?

David: You know how I know you're gay?

Cal: How? How do you know I'm gay?

David: Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts.

Cal: You know how I know *you're* gay? You just told me you're not sleeping with women anymore.

David: You know how I know you're gay?

Cal: How? Cause you're gay? And you can tell who other gay people are?

David: You know how I know you're gay?

Cal: How?

David: You like Coldplay.

Shut up, guys. I'm only half gay.

Anyway...

I have been listening to this song non-stop. I actually can't stop listening to it. AT. ALL. It's brought up sensations I haven't felt in a very long time...perhaps because for a long time, I wasn't feeling much of anything, really. It makes want to dance. It makes me want to dance with Benedict (SHOCKING). It makes me want to drive fast. It makes me want to BE in a fast driving car, standing up in a sunroof and feel the wind on my everything. It makes me want to spin my niece around in a giant bear hug whilst on the beach, sand  and water between my toes. It makes me want to stand in the rain, during a warm summer thunderstorm (YES EVEN THEN), arms outstretched and the hot wet on my skin. It makes me want to write, and get back to photography, read everything, and talk to everyone. Basically, it makes me want to live a full, amazing, happy life. It's an astonishingly moving song, and I truly believe in the restorative, motivational power of music. It speaks to my soul.

Sad to think, not so long ago, I just wanted to live in a bottle. My "sobriety" date was supposed to be 5/1/14. For the most part, I have stuck with this. However, active alcoholics try and active alcoholics fail. I have slipped several times since that date, and I feel disappointed in myself and letting my friends/family down. I won't beat myself up over it, because every day is a second chance. And it's never too late to turn it all around.

This song makes me want to do that. I'm returning to yoga tonight after months of inactivity due to depressive episodes. I've started eating better. I can actually write. I'm reading ten thousand things at the moment. I dance at home, where no one watches me except my cats. I would dance that way anyway even if I wasn't alone. What a weird, wonderful, crazy life we are handed. It's difficult to remind yourself every day, we are not here to be mundane. We are not here to be bored. We are not ALLOWED to be bored. I am not allowed to be bored with my life. We're only given one shot at this. It's an amazing, bright, beautiful world. We are gorgeous, talented souls inside wonderful, capable, AMAZING bodies. Smell all the flowers. Do all the things. Love. I need to remind myself that I am a wonderful person and a beautiful soul. We all are. 

Except for Kimye (I refuse to sully my blog with their actual names. Soulless whores.).

I am returning...to myself. Return to yourself.

In a sky full of stars, what a heavenly view.

“I am not this hair, I am not this skin, I am the soul that lives within.”

~ Rumi